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Alex and I

March 2012

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Alex and I

Recess for Adults

My kratom is finally here! In combination with the the fantastic high quality Tongan kava I bought, I feel base-line sane again... almost. Opiate highs are great feminist highs, and do you want me to tell you why? Because opiates don't tell you how to feel. Weed is an entheogen, it usually makes you feel insightful and lighthearted. MDMA is an entactogen, it makes you really fucking glad to be alive. Alcohol will make you incredibly... Something... but generally not something you necessarily want to be in public. Opiates are amazing because they offer a delicious body high, but it doesn't tell you how to feel. If you want to be depressed as hell and lay on your bed and write very bad emo poetry and just be high, you can. It gives you this big blanket made entirely out of peace and escapism to curl up in and just feel your own emotions. Opiates are lovely. Unfortunately however, both kava and kratom seem to have a side effect for me that I don't remember reading about online, and that is that they both make me incredibly horny. I can't lay in bed, take a shower, work on images, listen to music, digitally freshen up, or carry on a semi lucid conversation without soaking my panties. It's wonderful.

The whole thing started out innocently enough; masturbating constantly, watching porn and sending naughty pictures to a few of my favorite boys. Then one of those boys, my beloved Mister Matt decided to work me up more than any amount of kava ever could by describing how he's been fantasizing about tying me up in our new apartment. That would have been enough to bother me all afternoon if he hadn't started mentioning swinger parties. Had I not already been pretty worked up and high on kratom, I probably would have been alarmed when he asked me what my fantasy is, but as things went, I was not.

- I want two men inside me at once while I make out with and possibly pleasure some super voluptuous fox with great cock sucking lips... Oh and we'll all be rolling... On MCAT...

- That's beautiful.

"That's beautiful"?! Is it? Then you can imagine my surprise when he says it's all mine, that I can bring home anyone I want, I can be his concubine and in fact, we should start a harem. Now normally I would be pissed at being called a concubine in a general sense, but when it comes to actuality, that's probably a fantasy of mine too. I want him to own me, parade me around at his little parties, or lock me in the closet for sport. When it comes to sex, being bossed around even to an abusive level is a huge turn on for me. I've fantasized about being sold into human trafficking, the idea of my roommate tying me up and making me suck his cock sounds awesome.

The intrigue thickens though; Mister Matt has promised to take me to a swinger party where hopefully we can dose with several other like minded adults and all have a fucking great time (pun intended).

When I was a little girl I used to love to get on the swing set. I would swing higher than anyone else on the playground and close my eyes and pretend I was a bird. The air blowing in my hair was like ecstasy. I think that this is just another kind of playground and this is just another kind of swing, but there will still be ecstasy and I'll still be the best at it. I consider it a sort of sexual boot camp and I can't wait to be taught a lesson.